The longer you push away your relationship conflict the louder it can get. You may have tried to brush it under the rug with a perfect looking #couplegoals Instagram post. Or maybe you tell your besties that everything is amazing because you wish that was your reality.
The only way to get through conflict is well, to go through it. Going around it doesn’t improve anything. Instead, it keeps it nicely preserved in what I like to call, a relationship pressure cooker. Here are the 5 Ways to Manage Relationship Conflict:
1. First, be honest with yourself
Why hello, truth! In order for you to contribute to real growth in your relationship, you must be honest with your own thoughts and feelings. Find a space where you can think and feel without the influence of someone else. Try going for a walk, journaling, or even taking a solo trip. This can help you collect your thoughts and feelings which in turn will be effective to communication with your partner.
2. Don’t force solutions
Sometimes it takes time to figure out how the two of you will move forward. It’s not a one size fits all oversized dress t-shirt. I find with my clients when they are forcing solutions in their relationship it’s because they feel out of control. Instead, address why the hell you’re looking for a solution and then create a challenge to practice sitting in the discomfort of the unknown.
3. Create a dialogue
You know that awkward moment when a stranger opens the door and you’re like, “you go first” and they’re like, “No you go first.” This might be the dance you do with your partner – AKA waiting for them to say something first. Doing this creates an expectation that you don’t have to contribute to the conversation. It takes serious maturity to say I’m not here to play games and let’s talk.
4. Embrace disagreement
You are your own damn person, girl! When we try to run from our differences in relationships we exclude this essential. Having your own opinions, thoughts and feelings are what contribute to a healthy and awesome relationship. It’s ok to agree to disagree because it’s really effective and healthy. Yes, this is me telling you to try it.
5. Stay in the moment
Two conflict tips: 1. Don’t future trip. 2. Don’t fall back into the past. The only way onward is to stay in the now with your partner. This is key. To figure out what is causing issues is to stay on topic with the present. Many of my clients leap to the future or revert to the past because they’re fearful. Doing this is a sneaky and quiet version of self-sabotage. Don’t make your fear your reality.
Want more help with your conflict? Let’s chat!