Sometimes we forget that we have a choice on how we respond to stress in our relationships. It’s important that you keep calm and carry on.
Is it always easy to do? No way. Does it get better? Yes. As my client Brittany M. says, “Carla gave me the tools to tremendously improve my relationship.”
Want the tools Brittany got? Well you’re in luck because I’ve got 5 Keep Calm & Carry On Tips for Your Relationship:
It’s so easy to want to act out on our emotions. We want to be heard. We want to feel justified. But there is such power in pausing. This not only helps us cool down but it gives the other person time to reflect.
Taking a moment to think is key. The more and more you practice pausing the easier it will get. When you begin to find yourself opening your mouth to fire back remember that feelings are not facts. Just because you feel this person isn’t listening doesn’t mean it is actually true. The moral of this all is to pause.
2. Get a damn life
I talk all about “getting a damn life” in my book Contagious Love: Break Free from Codependency for Damn Good. Why? Because the more hobbies, interests, and friends you have in your life the less you need a partner to fill it.
When things get stressful it’s easy to be hyper focused on another person. When you have healthy balance in your life then you’re less likely to make your other half the main focus. It’s like that saying, “you need to fill your own cup before anyone else can fill yours.”
3. Keep conflict focused
Ever get in an argument and suddenly you’re both talking about something that happened 2 weeks ago? That can make things a bit confusing and messy. According to Gottman Institute, couples will only resolve 10% of their conflict.
If you’re going to bring up conflict keep it in the moment. Stop bringing in the past. Focus on what is coming up for you both right now. This will help defuse the situation and leave out any old resentments that don’t belong.
4. Take care of you
The more you practice meeting your own needs and wants then the more you can give to your partner. When you find yourself neglecting self-care such as adequate sleep or meals, then you might find yourself grumpy. What happens when you’re grumpy? Those around you probably feel it.
The more you can focus on your self-care and self-love the more you can show up in your relationship. Why? Because your half of the relationship is good to go. If both people are off then the relationships foundation struggles.
This is vital. You are your own person. When you mix the two of you it can become messy. Why? Because you both lose a sense of yourself. Healthy relationships thrive off of each person bringing their own uniqueness to the table.
Boundaries do not mean punish or try to gain control of your partner. Instead, they’re there so that you can take care of yourself while showing up for your partner. They can be adjusted and move around depending on the situation.
Want more keep calm & carry on tips? Let’s chat, reach out!