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Dating: Why Downplaying Success Hurts You

You’re dating and kind of, scratch that, you are a badass who is dating. But you’re single and you’re trying to find that one person. So you begin to date, duh. You find yourself between a bite and your date asks, “What do you do for work?”. Suddenly, you feel you need to downplay your success on your date.

Before responding, you think about that time you were on a date and your date said, “you’re intimidating”. OR you think about someone telling you not to talk too much about your career on a date because you’re so successful. It seems harmless but it feels anything far from it. You might find yourself questioning:

Will they accept me if they find out about my career?

How can I touch on my career but then downplay it and move on?

Do I even bring up what I do or do I try to avoid it the entire night?

It’s time to stop yourself from this confusion. You’re trying to take on a problem that has nothing to do with you. Do you know what it really means when someone says you’re intimidating?

Truth: “I’m insecure with myself.”

Unfortunately, when people are insecure they project and you become the focus. So you feel pulled into this idea that to get more dates you must minimize yourself. The problem with that is then you’ll be attracting the wrong type of person. This is why downplaying success hurts you in dating:

Your career does not define you

If you only lived up to who you were in the workplace then you wouldn’t have much more to offer in a relationship. But you’re more than your accomplishments and success. Your value and worthiness to be in a relationship is not based on success. Yes, it’s great to talk about your career but it shouldn’t be the make it or break it dating factor about you.

Don’t minimize yourself

When you minimize who you are then you don’t invite someone to see all of you. Ultimately, you attract someone to see an illusion of who you are. This in turn may attract the wrong type of partner. If they’re the right person they’ll champion you for being you.

Who the fuck cares

To be completely honest, who the fuck cares if you’re more successful than your date. What makes a thriving relationship  is that you are both able to open up, manage conflict and be vulnerable so you can create a deep level of emotional intimacy.

At the end of the day, who cares if you intimidate your date. It just means they were never the right person for you.Want more dating tips? Let’s chat!