“How do I meet someone not on a dating app?”, is the most common question I get as a dating coach. Before I dive into the truth of meeting someone besides swiping right, I’m going to break down what this question really means.
You probably feel helpless. You’re burned out by apps and you’ve had no luck. You may feel if you give up on the app then you’re giving up on dating. You want to meet someone but you’re not sure you ever will because there is nowhere else to turn.
First off, this is BS your mind is telling you. The truth is there are ways to meet your next mate not on a dating app. I’ve had clients do it and I know you can too. I’ve also had clients have success on dating apps. No, they’re not the “lucky ones”. They rearranged their mindset and perspective around apps.
Apps can be a quick fix to your anxiety and fear. But if you find yourself in what I coin as “dating burnout” (ready to delete and never go on them ever again), then it might not be the apps. It could be your strategy or mindset. Before you say “no way” hear me out.
If you’ve ever dated more than one dude who didn’t have his shit together you may think, “damn, I have the worst luck with men.” Well, although maybe that is your experience and it’s totally valid there is one thing in common here, yourself. You keep picking dudes that don’t have their shit together. It’s not your fault or responsibility that they don’t, but your part is that you’re actively choosing to engage with this type of person.
Same thing with apps. It’s easy to blame the source. It’s harder to look within and figure out what is triggering this reaction around apps.
So the question becomes, what’s going on within that you feel like you’ll never be able to find someone via dating app?
Those answers only you know. Although, I can assure you the clients I coach who thought there was nothing left, have found dating success.
Since I’m not clickbait, here are 10 Ways to Meet Not on Dating Apps:
1. Join a co-ed something
Kickball, hiking group, volunteer group, activist club, group fitness class, etc. Join something that you enjoy. If you’re focused on only doing something to meet someone, then you may create expectations leading to fantasy. Focus more on connection and creating community.
2. Go to a friend’s party (birthday, housewarming, promotion, engagement, etc.)
Yes, it’s a Saturday night and you’re at that age where you rather stay in and binge on Netflix. But if you never go out then you’ll never open opportunities for meeting new people.
3. Find a new hobby
Spend some time connecting with something you enjoy. I had a client who loves to read which tends to be a solo hobby. So she joined a book club and expanded her friends group to meet others.
4. Ask friends to set you up
“I love asking for help in the dating department,” said no one ever. This is the time to put yourself out there with the people you trust. Insert vulnerability. Keep it simple and straight to the point. Remember, these people have your best interest in mind.
5. Travel solo
Go take that trip up the coast or in another country. You never know the people and connections that are waiting for you until you do it. This also gives you an opportunity to grow as a person.
6. Go to a “singles meetup”
There are a ton of different singles meetups and groups. Do a quick google search and connect with like minded people in your area. Trust me, you’re not alone.
7. Be present when out with friends
“Doing it for the gram” can be fun but being on your phone takes away from really seeing what’s out there. You may just miss that cutie at the table next to you smiling.
8. Befriend your co-workers
I am not saying disregard HR policy but go to happy hour with your co-workers. Maybe there is someone in the office who has the same interests as you and you realize you click. Or maybe your co-worker realizes you’re single and has the perfect person to introduce you to.
9. Solo date
Go out and about to lunch or dinner. Yes, it may feel awkward but you’re learning to be comfortable with you. Also, people are more willing to come and talk to you when you’re by yourself than with another person.
10. Change your perspective
Ask yourself, what’s really going on within that I feel like dating apps are not an option?
Interested in getting more tips on dating? Learn more here!